Have you ever felt stuck in your faith? Perhaps you are feeling this way right now? You may be questioning your faith, or even if God is real. It may be that you know you have faith, but it isn’t going anywhere. It feels like you are running after something that you know is on the other side of the next hill, but your feet are stuck in the mud. Every step you try to take just sucks you in deeper. Progress is slow and painful at best. Stagnant at worst. I get it. I have been there. Just recently, in fact.

 

This is one of the reasons I entered into Spiritual Direction when I started school again. I was feeling stuck. I knew that when the extra work of school kicked in and the stress piled on my shoulders, I would lose both myself and my faith if I continued on the way I had been. I needed to do something to help me and my faith. I started the process in April. Six months later, I am finally starting to feel as if it is making a difference.

 

With the guidance of my Spiritual Director, I am working on establishing a ‘Rule of Life.’ This is a daily, weekly, monthly, and occasionally series of spiritual practices that draw me more fully into the presence of the Holy Spirit. Folks, let me tell you, this has not been easy to establish. In reality, I am not there yet. It sounds like it shouldn’t be that hard. But it has surprised me how difficult it really is.

 

Like I said, I am working on it. My Spiritual Director suggested that my daily practice should be prayer. When she said that, my instant reaction was, “What?!?! I already pray daily.” But was I really? Sure, I start my day six mornings a week with a Facebook live prayer time which some of you regularly listen to. However, until a month or so ago, it was a few words from a book, a few verses of Scripture, and a reading of names of people who were (and still are) on my prayer list. All of this was followed by The Lord’s Prayer and a few words to dismiss our time. All of it took nine minutes, and then I would go about my day as usual

 

That’s it. Nine minutes out of 1,440 minutes in a day. That is less than one percent of my day in prayer. The sad part is that for me it wasn’t really even meaningful prayer. Many days it was often just reading to an online audience – even when I read my prayer list or said The Lord’s Prayer. Although my intentions were good, and I hope I was successful in leading people in those moments, I was stuck. It really wasn’t doing much for my spiritual health.

 

So, when my Spiritual Director suggested prayer as a spiritual practice, I had to stop and evaluate what I was doing, or not doing. Then her suggestion went even deeper. She said intercessory prayer (praying for others), while a good practice, has never made God change God’s mind. Prayer shouldn’t be about asking God for what we want (wait, I think I have preached on that before), it should be about seeking to be in God’s presence. If what I was doing wasn’t bringing me to that point, then I needed to change how I was praying, both in my Facebook Live sessions and in my personal prayer time.

 

I am trying my hardest to follow her advice. For the last month I have been taking the first thirty minutes of my workday to pray in the chapel. Let me tell you, it’s hard. I had plenty to talk about for the first two days, then…NOTHING! I realized I had forgotten how to really, deeply pray if I wasn’t praying for others or in front of the congregation on Sunday morning. I didn’t know what to do or say. But I stuck with it.

 

There are still days when it is hard to pray. I am still leaning on my Spiritual Director for guidance and a better understanding of the practice of prayer. But I have noticed something in just the last few days. I have noticed that may attitude makes a huge difference. For most of the month, I approached my prayer time, just like that. “It’s time to go pray.” Matter-of-factly. Obligatory. Ugh! This week it all changed. The last few days my attitude has been much less ‘it’s time to’ and much more ‘I get to.’

 

I get to go pray. What a blessing that attitude is. I get to go pray. I get to spend time with Jesus. This has made all the difference in the world. My prayer time has been so much more effective as a result. Now, instead of counting the minutes till I am done, I am surprised when the timer goes off. Now, instead of trying to find God in my prayer time, I am leaving the chapel knowing that God is with me each step of my day. I know that my prayer time will not change God’s mind. But it is not about that. It is about changing me. And that is what I have been sorely needing, especially lately. I finally feel like the mud is loosening its grip on my feet, and my tiny baby steps are getting me ever so slowly to the prize on the other side of the hill.

 

So, remember this. If you are stuck in the sticky mud that is preventing growth in your faith journey, change what you are doing. Fighting in the mud will only serve to stick you further. Make an effort to change your attitude. Pray daily. Look for Jesus. Take a baby step. If you stick with it, even on those days when it is difficult and doesn’t seem to be doing anything, I think you will eventually get to the place where the mud isn’t quite so cumbersome, the prize is just a little bit closer, and you know without a doubt that you are living in the presence of our almighty God – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit!

 

Andthat, folks, is all I have to say today.

 

Pastor Koreen