Trigger warning…Suicide
Life hurts sometimes. Today is one of those days for me. Just a few days ago we found out that the son of dear friends of ours, a young man in the prime of life, died. That hurt enough. Today I found out that he died by his own hand. It hurts. Deeply. Life hurts sometimes.
This young man was more than just the son of our friends. He was like one of our own children. He was part of the thin blue line family. His dad was Carl’s field training officer when he first joined the police force. He and his sister and my daughter and son were youth group mascots They were hauled along to every youth group meeting and youth event from the time they were three years old all the way through high school because his parents helped Carl and me with the youth group. He was my child nearly as much as my own children are.
Even so, I had pretty much lost touch with him over the last several years. As kids do, he grew up, moved away from home, got a job, and got married. I followed him through his Facebook posts for many of those years. I knew where he was and what he was doing. He seemed happy. Every picture I saw of him had his iconic grin on his face. It was a grin that couldn’t help but put a smile on my own face, but also a grin that always made me wonder what kind of mischief was going on behind the scenes.
I didn’t pay any attention when his Facebook posts dwindled over the last several months. I didn’t even really notice. Most of my Facebook feed is advertisements now days anyway. I just assumed he was either busy with life or migrated to another social media app as the younger generations have tended to do. Now I know more about the story. I know that the iconic grin and the hint of mischief had to be hiding a dark world that I don’t know very much about. I am hurting because I didn’t try to reach out just to see how things were going. I am angry because I didn’t investigate further. I am sad because a beautiful soul found life too hard to continue.
I am writing this for a myriad of reasons. But I think there are several lessons to come out of this. One, never assume that we know everything that is going on with a person’s life, especially if all we see of their life is from social media posts that are few and far between. We never know anybody else’s entire story. What we see on the outside can hide a lot of pain and sorrow that may be invisible to the rest of the world. Two, hold on to our relationships. We need to do what we can to nurture them and keep them healthy. We need to talk to people. We need to love people. We need people to love us and talk to us. We just need people. That is how we were created. In the beginning of God’s creation story, God Himself identified that it is not good for mankind to be alone (Genesis 2:18). We can’t afford to push people aside or limit them to two square inches of space on a screen. Three, if something is telling us to reach out to someone—to make that phone call or send that text or pop in for a visit—DO IT! We are never guaranteed tomorrow for us or for our loved ones. It is a hard thing to live with the regret of not reaching out for one more conversation, one more cup of coffee, one more shared meal, one more check-in, or just one more time spent together. And Four, if you or someone you love are hurting and living in such darkness that suicide seems to be the only way out, please, please, please reach out for help. Call the national suicide prevention hotline at 988. Find your pastor, a counselor, a doctor, or a trusted friend to talk to. Let someone know how you are feeling. I am not going to judge you for your pain, your mental health struggles, or anything else. I want to help you find the right help to get you back on the path to health, happiness and wholeness. I hope this is the same for all of us.
One last thought on this. Is suicide a sin? Well technically, yes it is as it takes a life that was the gift of God. However, suicide nearly always comes with severe mental health issues, meaning that the person who succeeds in taking his or her own life is incapacitated. I don’t think a person’s salvation depends on this final act that was carried out in a time of incapacitating illness. Besides, Jesus died to atone for our sins, including suicide. I think a person’s salvation depends on their faith in Jesus. I think Romans 8:38-39 back me up on this. This Scripture passage reads:
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39, NRSV).
I am confident that this young man knew his Savior. I am confident that he is being held close in Jesus’ arms today and that his illness has been perfectly healed by our perfect God. While I am hurting for my loss, I can rest a little easier knowing that he and Jesus are together for eternity. Rest easy my dear child. You were and are and will be loved deeply…forever.
And friends, other than that this pastor has nothing more to say. It just hurts too much today.