I had the opportunity this week to visit with a long time member of my church who is now in an assisted living facility and is therefore no longer able to come to church.  This is not so unusual in the life of a pastor, especially in mainline denominations.  We had to face the music a long time ago.  By and large, churches in America are aging in structure and in population.  What is more unusual about this encounter, but sadly not unusual enough, is that though the facility is just a block away from my church, nobody knew she was there.  Too often people, especially the older and the infirm, fall through the cracks.  And before anyone knows it, they are all but forgotten.  Luckily this sweet lady has a Facebook presence and reached out to another church member for a visit.  She passed the request on to me, and I made sure the visit happened.

I love visiting people.  It is one of the best perks of my job.  Unfortunately it is also one of the areas where I fail – A LOT.  The country singer, Randy Travis, once recorded a song called Good Intentions.  The beginning line of the chorus goes like this. “And I hear tell the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”  I am confident that I am not going to hell.  I have a Savior who died for me to insure this is not the case.  But I have a lot of good intentions that for some reason or another end up falling through the cracks.  Visitation is one of those.  In my defense, at least right now, I am new here.  I have only been at this church and in my community for a month.  I am still learning names and faces.  I was not left with a list of our homebound members.  It is something I have to figure out with the help of the people around me.  However, it has never been my strong suit.  And I can’t blame my past failures to visit on “being new.”

I don’t know what it is.  Lack of knowledge is part of it.  Oftentimes I don’t hear that somebody is in the hospital or somewhere else where they would like a visit until after that person is back home and the need has past.  Business is perrhaps another part of it.  I know that there are a certain number of things that have to be done each week to prepare for Sunday services and to manage the life of a busy church, and I know that there are only so many hours in the week to get them done.  Yet, I think sometimes the biggest factor is my lack of motivation.  I have the visit on my to-do list, and I just can’t make myself get up out of my chair to move it to the to-done list.  (The introvert in me coming out?).  I am trying.  Reallly I am.  Some days it is better than others.  Some days I just get it done.  Others, it stays among the other things on my ever expanding list in hopes of another day.

Anyway, as I get back to the visit, I am reminded that several times in the 30 or so minutes I spent with her I heard, “My son hates me.  He wants nothing to do with me.”  I don’t know if this is true or if there is something else going on here.  I didn’t think it was a good thing to probe further on my first visit with her.  What I do know is that I can’t count how many times I have heard something similar from my elderly church people.  I can’t imagine that there are so many people out there that hate their elderly parents.  I know there are families where this happens.  But it can’t be every single one of them, can it?

I do have some experience with elderly and infirm parents.  I know that nursing homes and assisted living facilities are often lonely places to be.  The are often understaffed to begin with.  So the amount of time that staff has to spend with residents is extremely limited.  I know that it can be a demoralizing and embarassing place for people.  It is hard to go from being an active and independent adult to having to rely on somebody else for all of your basic needs.  I know that it takes a lot of effort on the part of the residents to make friends with other residents.  And even then the effort will likely not have the desired results.  Anyone who is in one of those places is there because they don’t feel good and can’t take care of themselves any more.  More likely than not, residents don’t want to socialize.  I know I want to curl up in my bed and shut out the rest of the world when I don’t feel good.

As the child of a parent who spent the last months of her life in a care facility, I also know that my life didn’t stop when their world did.  I still had a job I needed to be at, a family to take care of, and a social life that needed at least occasional tending.  I wasn’t always available when mom needed something or got lonely.  I couldn’t just drop everything and run to her side.  That is not to say that I ignored my mom and left her there with nobody.  I did try to go visit every day at least once and usually twice.  I don’t think that mom ever thought I hated her.  But I was also living in the same town as my mom.  It was just a matter of minutes and a mile or two out of my way to go see her.  Too many times, the children live far away – oftentimes in states across the country.  Too many times, the “what has to get done today” life has to take priority over going to visit mom, especially when going to visit mom requires vacation time from work and the finances to get there.  And so there she sits – alone in a nursing home and bored to tears.

I don’t think the mind likes to be idle.  In John 10:10, Jesus says, “I came that they may have life, and have it more abundantly.”  In my opinion, life in a care facility isn’t even life.  It certainly isn’t an abundant life.  The mind was not created to be idle.  The body was not created to age, deteriorate, and die.  Sin did that to us.  We were created to be alive and thriving and in community.  Is it any wonder that a mind, especially one that has been feebled by age, will start thinking things like “my son hates me” when it is left to its own devices, when boredom creeps in, and when the time between visits seems to stretch on to eternity.

People need people.  People need people even more when they are in a facility at the end stages of life.  So, today I am pledging to learn the names of my people who need a visit.  I am pledging to make a concentrated effort to get up out of my chair and make it happen.  I am pledging to do my little part to be the hands and feet of Jesus.  I am pledging to be a person who takes care of the sick and visits the imprisoned (because that is reallly what it is like to be in a nursing home).  I am pledging to do my best, knowing that Jesus will still love and forgive me when I fail.  Will you pledge to join me?

This is sure a lot to a say for this pastor who has nothing to say.  Blessings to you all!