The phrase that has been going through my head the last couple of days is “when all I have is not enough.” Don’t worry, I am not burnt out or down on myself or my job. It is just that our family is still dealing with the mental health issues of one of our own. Everything came to a head a couple of months ago when the police became involved and a hospital stay ensued. We thought our beloved was doing better. They sounded better when we called. Their thoughts were lucid. They carried on a normal conversation for quite a while. That is until sometime last week.
The family, who are all significantly distantly located from our loved one by the way, are once again worried about them. They changed their phone number – twice – in the last couple of weeks. And now, although we supposedly have the latest number, nobody can get in touch with our person. The phone immediately goes to voice mail. They haven’t answered, nor have they returned calls to anybody. Not to mom. Not to siblings. Not even to their own child. Our person has been physically disabled for quite some time, so there is no boss to call. We are not privy to his doctors’ information, and with HIPPA laws we wouldn’t be able to get any information by that route anyway. This leaves the apartment manager, who was very upset the last time she had to get involved, and the police who have many more things to deal with than constantly doing welfare checks because someone has decided not to answer the phone. Really the only option is for someone to physically go to his home to check on him. We are, by far, the closest. But somehow I don’t think the $3.49 in my checking account and the $5 bill in my wallet will get us very far on a 600-mile (one-way) journey. So, what do we do now when all we have is not enough?
The answer is pray. It is really the only option I have left. Our loved one is an adult. As far as we know – that is, unless something has really tanked health-wise in the last week – they are capable of making their own decisions. No matter how much the family cares; no matter how much our hearts are hurting; no matter what we want or think; no matter how much we want to get involved or dictate what happens; it will never be enough until our beloved makes the decisions to keep up with their treatment AND reach out to their family.
We love our person. We want them around as long as possible. But that is not our decision to make. Like it or not, we are not God. We cannot control what goes on around us. We don’t usually get to control another person or their decisions. And unless the person is on life support, we definitely do not get to make life and death decisions. We can only do what we can do. We can talk. We can check. But the outcome is not up to us. When all we can do proves to be not enough to make a difference, it is time to step back from the situation, if for no other reason than for our own mental health. Continued intervention with no results will only stress us out and make our person angry, and perhaps even paranoid. When all we have is not enough, all we can do is pray.
I know this is easier said than done. And it is easier for me, in this instance, than it is for other members of the family. They are blood related. I am only marriage related. Although I love this person – deeply – it is not the same. I did not give birth to them or grow-up with them. I can take a step back and say all this stuff because I am not as intimately intwined with the person as some others of us are. But like the rest of them, I don’t have a solution. I admit it. At this point, the best I can offer is prayer.
We all have experiences where all we have is not enough. If we haven’t had them yet, we will. When that becomes your reality, my best advice is to pray. Not just any prayer. Not a prayer that tells God what you want the outcome to be. But nonetheless, pray. The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the church at Thessalonica, wrote, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). Frankly, this kind of prayer sometimes kind of stinks! Who wants to rejoice and give thanks when all around them is falling apart. But I promise you, when you come before God’s throne in a state of rejoicing and thanksgiving rather than with a letter to Santa Claus list of wants, something will happen. Will it change the circumstances? Will it make my mentally ill person suddenly better? Perhaps. Most likely not, though. What it will do is change you. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances. It will bring you comfort. It will bring you a sense of calm. It will bring you peace. It will hold you up when everything else is crashing down.
When we reach that point when all we have is not enough, we always have one more thing. We have prayer. That is not a bad thing to have, especially when there is nothing else.
And for today, this pastor has nothing left to say.